Liam Payne’s Poignant 2020 Letter to 10-Year-Old Self Resurfaced After Death: ‘It Will Feel Scary, Like You’re Alone, But You Are Not’
Amid the outpouring of grief and love in the wake of Liam Payne‘s shocking death at 31 on Wednesday following a fall from his hotel balcony in Buenos Aires, Argentina came a touching reminder from the former One Direction and solo star’s recent past to put things into perspective.
That prompt came from BBC Radio 2 host Scott Mills, who on Thursday (Oct. 17) played a letter Payne wrote to his 10-year-old self in 2020 and read on BBC Radio 1 as part of a pandemic series. Mills noted that during the COVID-19 shutdown, Payne came on his show to participate in the project asking artists to speak to their younger selves, and, looking emotional, added that the singer’s take now feels especially “poignant” in light of his tragic death.
“Dear 10 year old Liam. Get ready! It’s about to get a little bumpy,” Payne says in a fuzzy close-up video in which he’s wearing headphones. “Cherish every moment with your loved ones right now as there’s only a few more family holidays to enjoy, life is about to turn surreal. You know that thing you love, singing, keep it up and when you turn 14 something magical is going to happen and I’m not talking about puberty.”
The singer tells his 5th grade self that not only will he audition for “one of the biggest music shows in the world,” The X Factor, but that he will also meet the future mother of his now seven-year-old son Bear, Girls Aloud member Cheryl Cole.
“I know it seems early but just trust me it’s all gonna work out however it’s supposed to. I suggest you watch Back to the Future, it might help,” Payne joked at the time. “You are now famous and it feels like you’ve peaked way too early you cocky little bugger, but you have barely even started yet. Take it down a notch and remember it’s a marathon not a sprint,” he said, noting that his first audition for X Factor in 2008 as a solo act — where judge Simon Cowell said he wasn’t quite ready yet — wasn’t even “base camp” in his wild ride to global stardom.
“For a while you’ll feel like giving up. But don’t, as you’re about to meet four other guys on the same track as you,” he said of his second try in 2010, when Cowell paired him up with his eventual 1D mates: Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson.
“When you first meet them it’s going to be chaos but just remember to enjoy yourself, stay young at heart as that’s what this point of your life is all about. Forgive more and learn to listen,” Payne counseled. “You will have the most amazing time of your life, travel the world and live a life you barely imagined. Then it will end for a while and you’ll be left with nothing but the steering wheel.”
Payne also told his young self that after 1D’s hiatus in 2016 things would feel “scary” for a bit, “like you’re alone, but you are not. You’re about to start a totally new journey with the most amazing person you’ve ever met, your son Bear.”
Bear, Payne’s only child, was born in 2017, a year before he and Cole split. “Don’t doubt yourself at this Dad thing, just look at all the things you’ve learnt along the way, surely that must mean you have a lot to give,” he said. “Be grateful and try to remember very day you’re doing something you love that took ten years to build. The first single will skyrocket and you’ll never see it coming but stop with the self doubt and you’ll be fine.”
The letter ends with Payne giving a “big hug” to his mom, dad and his entire family.
Payne’s death has prompted tributes from around the globe, including personal notes from all his former 1D mates and a are joint statement from the living members on Thursday, as well as tributes from Payne’s family and his former school.
Local authorities said that believe Payne was not sober at the time of his death, reporting that they found substances that appeared to be narcotics and alcoholic drinks in his room. A preliminary autopsy confirmed that Payne died from multiple traumas and internal and external hemorrhages sustained from the impact of a fall from the third-story of the Casa Sur hotel in the Palermo district in Argentina.
In the moments leading up to the star’s death, a hotel manager called 911 to report that a guest was “overwhelmed with drugs and alcohol” and “destroying [their] entire room”; by the time police arrived on scene, Payne had already fallen from the balcony of his room and died due to his injuries.
Watch Payne reading his letter below.
Gil Kaufman
Billboard
