Alec Baldwin reflects on “terrible” mental health decline post-‘Rust’ shooting: “I’m happier when I’m asleep”

Alec Baldwin has opened up about how he is coping after the fatal shooting that occurred on the set of his Western movie Rust in 2021.

READ MORE: ‘Rust’ director says he has “no relationship” with Alec Baldwin following fatal shooting

As reported by People, in the first episode of his new reality show The Baldwins, the actor and his wife Hilaria share some insight into what they’ve been going through since the shooting and following trial.

During the episode, Baldwin said: “This has been just surreal. I mean, I can’t even believe that we’re going through this, and I always feel more in pain about you than me, because I think to myself, well, you know, I’m going to try to my best to just get through it, and I think what it’s done to you and how much it’s hurt you and everything.”

In a separate scene, he added: “This past year was just terrible. There were times I’d lay in bed. I’d go, ‘Wow, my kids. I can’t get up.’ That’s not like me. I’m not like that at all, not in any way am I like that. Never.”

On October 21, 2021, Baldwin discharged a revolver used as a prop and was unaware that it had been improperly loaded with live ammunition, resulting in the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins.

In 2023, the 30 Rock star was charged with involuntary manslaughter in a case which was then dropped and was tried again in 2024. The case against the actor was dismissed last July, and officially concluded in December 2024 after New Mexico prosecutors decided not to pursue an appeal of the court’s decision to dismiss an involuntary manslaughter charge against him. Baldwin has since filed a lawsuit against the district attorney and other Santa Fe officials for malicious prosecution and civil rights violations.

The Baldwins is a new TLC show that sees Baldwin and Hilaria invite cameras into their home to document life with their seven children.

In it, Hilaria opened up about Alec’s emotional state since the Rust incident. She said: “Everyone who is close to Alec has seen his mental health decline. He was diagnosed with PTSD, and he says in his darkest moments, ‘If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn’t it have been me?’”

She continued: “You wake up in the morning and you’re like, ‘Oh god, why did I wake up?’”

Baldwin, referring to his response when a friend asked how he was doing, said: “I said, ‘I’m happier when I’m asleep than when I’m awake’.”

The actor has spoken out about how the shooting has impacted him previously, saying in November 2024 that he never wants to see Rust. He also said that “there is more to come” regarding the incident when appearing on a podcast last December, and that “the truth of what happened has never been told”.

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