Jessi on her path to happiness: “I feel like I never was able to celebrate life and my success”

Inside Las Vegas’ Michelob Ultra Arena, the noise is deafening. It’s the first day (April 21) of the city’s new K-pop festival, WeBridge, and to say fans are getting excited is an understatement. Jessi, the rapper and singer known for her unfiltered energy and badass attitude, is about to take to the stage for a rare US performance and the venue is filled with the sound of the audience chanting her name. No other act receives such a rapturous welcome – a testament to how much her career has skyrocketed over the last few years.

Two days later (April 23), Jessi is sat in a makeshift green room in the Mandalay Bay’s convention centre – a canary yellow sofa and softly lit floor lamps bringing some much-needed aesthetics to the otherwise grey, curtained-off space – after spending time meeting what seems like an endless mass of her fans, known as Jebbies. “I was mind-blown,” she replies when NME mentions the reception she got at the concert, her face still one of genuine surprise. “I wasn’t able to do a soundcheck so I was bummed out, but listen – I will get zero sleep, I will have no voice; when they shout my name and I see their faces, this ‘nother whole fucking bitch comes out.”

“Fame can get in your head and there was a time it did for me, but I woke the fuck up because […] you become lonely.”

On stage on Friday, after delivering a fierce performance of her 2017 song ‘Gucci’, the star confirms the audience’s impact on her. “I wasn’t feeling Gucci before I came out here,” she shares candidly. “But now I am.” She performs one more song – the ice cool confidence of ‘Cold Blooded’ – before she takes a break to pace the stage and talk to her fans one-to-one.

At the meet-and-greet, the same joy that Jessi’s fans bring her – and vice versa – is palpable in the convention centre. A huge crowd waits patiently to take selfies and chat with the rapper, both parties all smiles as they greet each other for their brief moment together. “It feels like they’re my friends,” she explains backstage. “I can fucking talk to them. I can eat with them.” Although she says she wishes she was able to talk more with them, she acknowledges cheekily: “I think I’ve talked enough.”

It’s understandable why the artist is so keen on getting to know her followers right now. After a series of false starts and hurdles she had to climb early in her career, she started to gain some momentum in 2019 after signing with Psy’s company, P Nation. She released two singles – ‘Who Dat B’ and the Jay Park-featuring ‘Drip’ – before the world conceded to a global pandemic but, as everything else in life seemed to plateau or free-fall, Jessi’s star only soared. ‘Nunu Nana’, ‘What Type Of X’, ‘Cold Blooded’ and ‘Zoom’ all went to dizzying levels of viral over the course of two years, securing her spot as one of the most beloved artists in current Korean music landscape.

Now the world is reopen, events like WeBridge and the Thailand edition of Rolling Loud – at which she performed a few days prior to arriving in Vegas – are Jessi’s first chance to feel that love and support in person. “It shocks me every time, everywhere I go – ‘I have fans here?!’” she says, half-gasping those last four words. “It doesn’t seem real yet. I’m just really blessed and really thankful.”

“I grew up so fast and I had to ground myself and discipline myself because I wasn’t with my family.”

Despite how she might come across to the wider world – in her words, “really loud” – she’s also making sure she stays humble. “I’m literally nothing without my fans and I think it’s very important people realise that – I know that fame can get in your head and there was a time it did for me, but I woke the fuck up because I realised that, once that happens, you become lonely. I think that’s why people can relate to me – because I’m just what you see is what you get. But there’s also a side to me that other people don’t know – that I’m still human.”

That she feels simultaneously like a person you could become besties with after a chance encounter on a night out and an icon for empowerment is definitely part of Jessi’s appeal, and she continually inspires those who have witnessed her, whether online or in person; hardcore fan or casual passer-by. The star credits that to staying true to herself through everything she’s experienced, but admits even she gets blown away by the impact she’s had on people.

“There was a 50-year-old lady and she said she wants to be like me,” she recalls of a recent encounter. “I was like, ‘That’s crazy!’ That really made me almost tear [up] because, as you get older, you would think that you have all your shit together, but everyone is searching for something, you know? I’m so glad I can [help with] that.”

It’s not just her fans who are on the hunt for something right now, though. Jessi herself is embarking on a brand new chapter after leaving P Nation last year, and she’s reframing her hopes for and priorities in life. “As I’m getting older, I’m starting to really see the little things in life,” she smiles.

“I grew up so fast and I had to ground myself and discipline myself because I wasn’t with my family, but I feel like, now, my happiness is really trying to find something within.” She cites her fans as part of that, but also shares her desire for her own family (“But obviously, that comes with a man first,” she adds wryly), and not spend her whole life “just working my ass off”. “I want to live my life too – I feel like I never was able to celebrate life and my success ever.”

“I want to be actually happy – not where I’m laughing, but in my heart, I feel happy and safe.”

The 11 months since she left P Nation have been tough. She confirms she was considering starting her own label but then “lost of a lot of people around me”. “People were taking a lot of advantage of me so, emotionally, I was drained and I felt betrayed by so many people,” she says with a small shake of her head. After she headed out on a headline tour late last year, she “disappeared”, hiding out from everyone, including the labels that were trying to sign her. “I wanted a break from just life for a little bit,” she explains.

Then came an offer from Jay Park to join his new company, More Vision. The rapper has already had huge success with his H1GHR MUSIC and AOMG labels, helping push forward the careers of some of Korea’s hottest hip-hop and R&B talent, and Park has long tried to bring Jessi into the fold. “But I was always in a label,” she says. “But now, I felt the timing was right. [The foundations of] his company are more love and more laughter, and I think, right now, my true motive in life is to find happiness.”

Although the pair have collaborated together in the past – on ‘Drip’, Toigo’s ‘Blue Check’ – they’ve never sat down in the studio and worked at the same time. “Jay does his own stuff, I do my own stuff, so that’s going to be the challenge,” Jessi notes. “But Jay and me, we’re such good friends. I’m still getting to know him as a business partner, so it’s a little awkward but, so far, it’s good and I’m really excited to work on an album – that’s what we’re thinking about, I think that would be really cool.” There are plans, she adds, to work on a song together in the future, although she can’t say anything else right now.

As NME’s time with Jessi comes to an end and she prepares to head off to recuperate and return to working on her bold new chapter, she takes a moment to reflect on her journey so far and how she’s kept going to reach this point. “I don’t think it was what made me keep driven,” she surmises. “I think it was destiny.” Now, she reiterates, she hopes it’s contentment that’s in God’s plans for her. “I’m in a really happy place, but I want to be actually happy – not where I’m laughing, but in my heart, I feel happy and safe.”

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