‘Late Show’ Roasts Lying Republican Rep. George Santos With Classic Meredith Brooks Tune

By now you’ve probably heard about the boatload of lies incoming New York Republican Rep. George Santos unleashed during his successful run to represent Long Island in the House. The 34-year-old fabulist is already facing probes from the House Ethics Committee, as well as federal, state and local authorities over his wide-ranging fibs, from lies about the elite Bronx prep school he didn’t attend and the colleges he didn’t graduate from, to the prestigious jobs he never held at a pair of Wall Street firms, lies about his grandparents surviving the Holocaust (and his Jewish heritage) and a series of whoppers he told about his mother’s death.

It would all be pretty funny if it wasn’t potentially illegal and it didn’t put a pathological phony near the levers of government, so naturally The Late Show‘s cold open on Tuesday night (Jan. 3) took on the story by putting Santos’ many deceptions into song, cued to Meredith Brooks’ 1997 breakthrough hit, “B–ch.”

The “A Definitely True Message from George Santos” bit opened with news reports about Santos’ multiple misrepresentations of his mother’s death before a fake George said he had only one (or two, or maybe 10 things) to say. Then, to the strains of Brooks’ urgent pop hit, he proclaimed, “I’m half black/ I’m a Jew/ I graduated from Baruch/ My grandpa fled a war/ But wait there’s even more/ I invented root beer floats/ I’m the guy from Quaker Oats/ And that’s not even all the stuff I am.”

The parody went on, with fake Santos proclaiming that he’s also Chinese, from Belize and in a pair of claims outrageous even for him, that his hair is made of bees and that he’s actually Adele in disguise. Some of the fabrications sounded almost plausible, like that he ran the New York Marathon and was instrumental in demoting Pluto from planet-dom. And he swore the latter on both of his mother’s graves, so they must be true.

Santos had a pretty terrible, horrible, no good, very bad first day in Congress on Tuesday, with cameras catching him sitting by himself as other representatives seemingly shunned him and he walked briskly away from reporters, while a Washington Post writer revealed that when Santos stood up to vote for still-unseated Speaker Kevin McCarthy, a “Hispanic Democrat yelled “mentiroso!” which means “liar” in Spanish.

Watch the Late Show cold open below.