Lorde says she’s “living in heartbreak again” in emotional letter to fans
Lorde has opened up about how she is currently “living in heartbreak” in an emotional letter to her fans.
The Kiwi pop star began the email by explaining that she is in London, where she has been living and working since May. “Things feel clear here,” she continued. “I haven’t seen many friends; mostly, I’m alone with my thoughts.”
Lorde added: “I go swimming, I go to work, I walk home or take the train, I eat in my kitchen, I go to bed thinking about what I’m making. I’m starting to miss my friends and family, like a vitamin I’m deficient in.”
Later, the ‘Solar Power’ singer said she was “living with heartbreak again” – describing this feeling as being “different but the same”.
“I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember,” Lorde went on. “I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself.
“I eat chocolate to try and manipulate the endorphins, bring back the sweet happiness of Easter morning. I sit in the time machine and wait for it to move, but it hasn’t been invented yet.”
Lorde then told her fans about some health issues she is currently experiencing, saying that “[her] body is really inflamed”.
Lorde shares her feelings in new email to fans:
“I'm living with heartbreak again. It's different but the same. I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I'm not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn't something to hide from, that there's… pic.twitter.com/kT7Q6LAGsl
— Pop Base (@PopBase) September 21, 2023
She continued: “My gut isn’t working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I’ve gotten sick half a dozen times. I realised earlier this year that listening to my body is hard for me, it’s something I never really learned how to do.
“I’ve been trying to teach myself that this year, but it’s been hard actually, pretty confronting, has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored it or didn’t give it what it needed, shamed it for a fight or flight response, took a handful of pills and pushed through.”
Elsewhere in the letter, Lorde said the reason she makes music is “because I need to”. “The songs are spells; a spell to let go of something, a spell to unlock a door,” she wrote. “Every time I put something into words just as I see it, set it to the right music, a knot comes loose in me. But it hurts too, confronting the knots.”
You can see an excerpt of the email in the post above.
Last month saw Lorde take a new ‘Night Vision’ show to Boardmasters 2023, where she debuted two new songs. She also made live appearances at various European festivals including Sziget and Øya.
Following the latter gig, Lorde took to Instagram to share a cryptic update about her latest stage show. “No this is not the start of anything out there,” she wrote, “just want u to know there’s a light on inside me .. show it to you soon.”
Back in March, Lorde hinted that she could be working on new music but said she was “not telling, not for a while”. The previous month saw her tell fans that she felt “excited about what’s coming”, and she said her next album would be arriving sooner rather than later.
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Tom Skinner
NME
